What’s Forgiveness Good For?
It Brings Us Peace
Administering spiritual abuse toward anyone is an egregious sin against the integrity, the essence of another human being, a beloved creation of God. Forgiving someone who has spiritually abused us is difficult. Forgiving someone who has sinned against us is difficult.
That sounds so easy to say, and if you’ve never experienced being abused, then it just seems like a sentence that you read, and then move on from there. No harm, no foul. But if you have experienced spiritual abuse, then you know to the marrow of your bones, that the word “difficult” contains a whole universe where the storm of strong emotions, deep wounds, nightmares, ill health, and desires for retribution swirl around and within you.
Time has a way of moving forward, of ticking by, doesn’t it. Weeks, months, maybe years go by, and bits of that stormy universe can still be there, swirling around. It can feel like we have no control over which aspect of the storm is still ravaging. So yeah! Forgiving someone who has spiritually abused us is difficult. Forgiving someone who has sinned against us is difficult.
Be that as it may, the Bible tells us that forgiving them is what we need to do. Jesus tells us that forgiving them is what we need to do. Psychology tells us that forgiving them is what we need to do. It’s a struggle to hear that message while the storm is raging. Be that as it may, there are many of us who begin to try to forgive, but not without many times of taking it back.
Suppose, that with the ticking of time, we really have tried to forgive and have experienced moments of forgiveness. And yet we remember. Oh yes, we remember. Sometimes I think that some of those times of remembering are of a simple memory of how the experience went down – as in facts, without the emotionality, you know what I mean? Might that be a sign that some level of healing might be growing?
Yet, it is difficult to imagine truly forgiving such heinous acts. Therein lies the struggle. Bottom line is, plain and simple, we are to forgive. Those are words out of Jesus' mouth. And it's what he did, even from the cross while in horrendous suffering. His words: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do," rang out for all eternity to hear. No, there's nothing easy about real forgiveness.
What else did Jesus say? How many times are we to forgive? 70 times 7! Here's the thing: Forgiveness is one-way, from us to the perpetrator. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether the perp changes their behavior. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether they “deserve” to be forgiven. It has absolutely nothing to do with whether they know we have forgiven them. Some of the time, it would negatively complicate matters to let them know that we've forgiven them. Some of the time, the perp doesn't think they've done anything wrong, and our saying, "I forgive you," has at times, initiated a further hurtful situation.
Forgiving them is not saying what they did is now somehow acceptable. It was not acceptable behavior then, and it is not acceptable behavior now. It is only by the grace of God that we can forgive them. Forgiving them means releasing the incident(s) and person(s) into God's hands. It means we are released from being the ones to judge them in any final analysis. Judging them is God's business.
What's forgiveness good for then? It brings peace to us. That’s what it’s good for. That's profound. True forgiveness brings us the deep peace of freedom from anger, hurt, and wishing harm on those who hurt us. When it comes right down to it, forgiveness is a choice. Difficult at times, yes, but a choice. It’s a decision.
Is there a sin against us that is truly unforgivable? I don’t know. But I have heard of parents who have forgiven the murderer of their child, and have rendered remarkable ongoing support toward the murderer’s rehabilitation. Blows my mind.
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