Spiritual Abusers Do Not Reverence the Integrity of Who You Are
Self-Love Done Right is Not Selfish
How would you define the word “Self” spelled with a capital “S?” An untold number of books have been written about one definition or another of that word “Self.” Examples of those definitions can be found in these resources and more:
Self-help books
Psychologists who define “Self” according to their personality and/or counseling theory
Popular books and articles about the detriments of being Selfish
Other popular books and articles about heroes who give of themselves, i.e. who give of their “Self,” in order to help others
Philosophers who put their spin on “Self”
Theologians who bring God into the picture, but who do not all agree with each other about who God is or about who we are
My all-time favorite definition of “Self” comes from a monk of the Episcopal Order of the Holy Cross out of West Park, NY. His name is Bonnell Spencer (1909-1996). He said that to be fully whole, we need to “learn to reverence the integrity of Self.” By that, he meant each of us is a Self, a person that God created. To reverence and cherish that person is to listen within for the magnificent purpose for which God made us. To search for that holy viewpoint and do our utmost to live into that creature that God lovingly made, is a lifelong adventure in Christ. So believe in the person that God has made you to be. For therein lies the treasure of your wholeness. That kind of “Self-Centeredness” is not “Self-ish.” It’s the opposite of selfishness. Why? Because we will be obeying our Creator by becoming who He created us to be. And wonder of all wonders, in the process, we will discover our purpose in life. Who or what is it that God wants you to live your life for the sake of…?” 1
What happens to our True Self when spiritual abuse in our church is flung our way? There are a lot of possible answers to that question, most of which will knock us for a loop, giving a major interruption in our search for the ultimate meaning that God wants for us. The abuser did not “reverence the integrity of our Self.” In response, our emotions run amok. For some people, the abuse was so egregious that they abandon their faith. This is tragic, abominable, unthinkable. The wounds of spiritual abuse can bleed deep and be far reaching. An untold number of my sisters and brothers who have been abused, never find healing. This breaks my heart.
I’m a spiritual abuse survivor. The integrity of my “Self” was not reverenced, all those years ago. I finally caved to a case of shingles, after the year-long stress. Yet through the experience, I have found at least part of my purpose, my passion in Christ – my True Self. And yes, I do “reverence the integrity of my Self in Christ. I have dedicated myself to the task of creating blogs, courses, workshops, and memberships to those of you who have also been treated so abysmally. Why? Because I reverence the integrity of you – your Self – in Christ.
1 Bonnell Spencer, OHC. “The Vows.” A Position Paper for the Order of the Holy Cross, p. 8 (1978?)