Are You in Touch with Your Emotions?

Our Emotions are Rooted Deep in Our Soul

For decades now, scientists, psychologists, and educators have placed heavy emphasis on human IQ. Our Intelligence Quotient, according to the available tests, shows a person’s reasoning ability, presumably showing our level of intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence, on the other hand, is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, and overcome challenges and defuse conflict. There are ways in which we can intentionally grow our Emotional Quotient to a healthier level than ever before. To mature emotionally will mean that we will need to reach deep with a growing awareness, all the while being gentle with ourselves.

So, let me ask you a question: Are you in touch or out of touch with your emotions? Do you go through each day on “auto-pilot,” so busy that there’s no time for introspection? And you don’t often reflect on identifying your inner emotions until something happens that creates sudden happiness, or sudden stress, or anger, or a reminder of an age-old grief? And whatever the emotion is, it rules your day, or at least rules the moment? If that’s the case, it might be a good idea to slow down and search for the deep roots of your emotions.

Emotional Quotient of Children

Schools and parents have created a simple way for children to grow their Emotional Intelligence. It’s so simple that children can grasp the meaning immediately: Show them faces that are simply drawn, faces that show what it looks like to feel mad, sad, bad, or glad. This helps children to think about which one they are feeling in specific situations, and, we hope, they will be able to recognize which one they’re feeling in the future.

Emotional Quotient of Adults

What about adults? The “mad, sad, bad, glad” model may be helpful for us too. However, there are times when we need more reflection, more identifying not only which major emotion we are feeling, but which shade of it, and where does its rootedness lead? Then, we have a better chance of knowing what to do while in that emotion, and how to get beyond it, and grow a more beautiful tree.

Here are a few examples of shades and nuances of emotions:

Mad can mean feeling “offended, indignant, dismayed, bitter, frustrated, angry, aggressive”

Sad can mean feeling “depressed, hurt, bereft, melancholic, subdued, aggrieved, or discouraged”

Bad can mean feeling “Stressed, inadequate, helpless, disrespected, ashamed, lonely, threatened”

Glad can mean feeling “joyful, content, tolerant, caring, committed, accepting, grateful, or generous”

God has gifted us with a gargantuan range of emotions. Our emotions are a blessing, even when they are tough to experience and grow beyond. In normal life, it may be true that we don’t need to analyze what we’re feeling all the time and in every situation. Still, recognizing specific shades and depths of emotions that we experience is a skill that we can learn. That ability can help us see a path through whatever life throws at us. Knowing and using that ability is part of being human, part of growing, and maturing. It’s part of what I call “Wholeness.”

Traumatic Events Change Everything

Certain life events can throw us completely off track of anything resembling Wholeness, even if our Emotional Quotient is fairly high. Traumatic events have a way of changing everything. Even if we have a high emotional intelligence, trauma can induce shock. Emotional shock, when for a time, we can’t feel anything at all. Or spiritual shock, when for a time, we can’t even pray. Then, when the shock wears off, a flood of emotions washes over us, casting us into a difficult place that we don’t want to be in.

Spiritual abuse is one of those traumatic events

that make it seem like we have lost everything –

maybe even our sanity.

I am a spiritual abuse survivor. I would never ever judge anyone when they are in such dire straits, because I’ve been there. The best thing I know to do is to be with them in silence, just listening. During their time of traumatic shock is not the time to be teaching about emotional intelligence. I would never want it to come off looking like I’m saying, “Well, if you only had a mature emotional intelligence, you could have handled this situation much better.” That would be the opposite of being helpful. In fact, that response on my part would be cruel.

Teaching and life coaching are most helpful after the initial emotional storm has begun to die down, and when you are hungry to learn.